DOs and DON'Ts for a 1-year-old Dog
Sunday, April 23, 2006
It's Rebel's 1st birthday today. Now everyday wish him a happy birthday, would you? Given the series of events that had happened since I got back from my Harley-Davidson media ride last afternoon, I thought I should pen down a list of DOs and DON'Ts for my young rebellious son. Rebel, if you're reading this, make sure you read the following VERY CAREFULLY.
DO tug your bed by the mouth from the living room into the bedroom by yourself when I return home. It's very endearing.
DO eat your horrible list of medicine given by the Vet dutifully. Despite having to now consume antibiotics (yeah, first was probiotics, now its antibiotics), detox pills and some yucky green tablet twice a day for 10 days, you've been such a good boy in doing so. Your mummy won't even commit to 5 days of antibiotics for fear of missing out on her weekend drinking sessions.
DON'T be shy when it comes to hitting on female dogs. If a superhot King Charles Cavalier named Ginger comes barking for you from the opposite side of the fence from the open field we always play at, it's ok to strut your ass over to charm her. Don't wait for Mummy to ask Ginger's Daddy if we could go over to the hill they were lying on.
DO have the courage to pick on any bitch of any breed and size that you fancy. Ginger may be twice as big as you, but who cares right? Look at Tom Cruise.
DO engage in foreplay before trying to hump any bitch. That includes Ginger, who tried kissing you but you won't have none of those. Nothing is as rude as turning your head away in a kiss attempt from a 9-month-old bitch and then tucking your head under her legs to lick her pussy.
DO sit by the side of your newfound love whilst your Mummy and your potential father-in-law talk about marriage plans for both of you. Good boy. You did good.
DON'T be such a clumsy ass and roll down the hill with 2 full rounds when your bitch was chasing you. Tripping on your own paws is so uncool. You even got the people from the 4th-storey of the opposite block laughing away.
DON'T fuck your bitch in front of her father. Trust me, you were lucky you didn't get on the Soup-of-the-Day menu.
DON'T struggle and whine when it's time to depart from your bitch and go home. Your mummy should always come first (no, not that way).
DO give your bitch a goodbye kiss always. I love how your puny tongue could only cover the tip of Ginger's nose.
DON'T go into the woods with Ginger and disappear out-of-sight. Leave that to the guys from Brokeback Mountain. It's illegal in Singapore.
And this one is for your dear ol' mummy herself:
DO ask for Ginger's father's number so that Rebel can hook up with her again. Now they may never meet ever again. Bummer.
DO tug your bed by the mouth from the living room into the bedroom by yourself when I return home. It's very endearing.
DO eat your horrible list of medicine given by the Vet dutifully. Despite having to now consume antibiotics (yeah, first was probiotics, now its antibiotics), detox pills and some yucky green tablet twice a day for 10 days, you've been such a good boy in doing so. Your mummy won't even commit to 5 days of antibiotics for fear of missing out on her weekend drinking sessions.
DON'T be shy when it comes to hitting on female dogs. If a superhot King Charles Cavalier named Ginger comes barking for you from the opposite side of the fence from the open field we always play at, it's ok to strut your ass over to charm her. Don't wait for Mummy to ask Ginger's Daddy if we could go over to the hill they were lying on.
DO have the courage to pick on any bitch of any breed and size that you fancy. Ginger may be twice as big as you, but who cares right? Look at Tom Cruise.
DO engage in foreplay before trying to hump any bitch. That includes Ginger, who tried kissing you but you won't have none of those. Nothing is as rude as turning your head away in a kiss attempt from a 9-month-old bitch and then tucking your head under her legs to lick her pussy.
DO sit by the side of your newfound love whilst your Mummy and your potential father-in-law talk about marriage plans for both of you. Good boy. You did good.
DON'T be such a clumsy ass and roll down the hill with 2 full rounds when your bitch was chasing you. Tripping on your own paws is so uncool. You even got the people from the 4th-storey of the opposite block laughing away.
DON'T fuck your bitch in front of her father. Trust me, you were lucky you didn't get on the Soup-of-the-Day menu.
DON'T struggle and whine when it's time to depart from your bitch and go home. Your mummy should always come first (no, not that way).
DO give your bitch a goodbye kiss always. I love how your puny tongue could only cover the tip of Ginger's nose.
DON'T go into the woods with Ginger and disappear out-of-sight. Leave that to the guys from Brokeback Mountain. It's illegal in Singapore.
And this one is for your dear ol' mummy herself:
DO ask for Ginger's father's number so that Rebel can hook up with her again. Now they may never meet ever again. Bummer.
This entry was posted
on Sunday, April 23, 2006 at 12:29 PM.
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2:56 PM
Rebel's affair w/Ginger makes him a man at 1y.o.
Happy Birthday (belated) Rebel !