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Funny Wednesday

Thursday, March 30, 2006

I didn't go into the office yesterday because I figured I had to do something about my nagging stomach pains before I see my intestines spilling out when I shit. Turns out, I've been suffering from gastric flu. It didn't seem to make much of a difference being at home instead of the office - I was working from 11am until 6pm rushing a damn pitch deck before I could even see the Doc.

But it was nice being at home with Rebel. About 2pm or so, I heard some pesky kids shouting out his name. Must be the silly old man from next door with his cigarette and 2 grand daughters. I went to the door to check on the commotion and to my surprise, there were 4 bloody kids and 2 adults waiting to catch a glimpse of Rebel. Rebel has fans stalking his home? Good grief.

Rebel entertained the kids for a bit while I returned to my work. He would stroll into my room, get him to put him on my lap while I worked, and then get off to play with his bone, etc. Before I know it, my mum came home and shouted immediately "REBELLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!" Great, so what is it this time? I went out and discovered that sonny boy, who probably thought he's a celebrity now, pooed on my mum's very expensive carpet and the worse part is, my mum stepped on his royal shit. How bad can a situation get right?

My mum chose not to pick a fight with me on Rebel, but left me to lecture him instead. She probably knew I would've fired back 10 times as much as she would shoot at me. We got on with dinner and our usual coffee in the living room, when Rebel started tapping my mum with his paws, trying to get her attention for some weird reason. Dumbass. My mum started nagging at him for a good 10 minutes, as though he was her child (yes, been there, done that)! Rebel tilted his head to the side, wondering what the heck my mum was saying.

My mum can't nag at me anymore, and starts nagging at a dog? Sheesh.

The Apoco Deodar Family

Saturday, March 25, 2006

From left to right: Bro, Rebel and Daddy

I thought I should start by introducing Rebel's family first. Rebel met his father and brother for the first time today, since I first took him away to my home. The local breeder was nice enough to allow me to bring Rebel over to visit his family. I thought he should. Afterall, my poor baby boy hasn't got much mutt love since the fat Jack Russell encounter.

Daddy was first brought out to the backyard to meet him. And like all dog introductions go, Daddy sniffed his ass to size up his identity. Now isn't that funny if the same behavior occurs in humans? He's my missing son! I sniffed his ass! I know!

And he continued sniffing, just to be sure...

Once Daddy was sure he was his son, he taught Rebel how to pee like a man. But dad! I already know how to pee like that lah!

Afterwhich Daddy decides to hump Rebel. No, I'm not joking. If there is anything I've learnt about dogs today, it would be that the words "gay" and "incest" do not exist in the Cambridge dictionary for dogs. I don't mind Rebel being gay at all, but letting your family fuck you up the ass? Urgh. That's just plain gross. I think Rebel shared the same sentiments too. The smart guy that he is, kept rolling over so that he won't get fucked.

In the picture below to be honest, I think Rebel was simply trying to show his daddy how big his dick is.

The local breeder went to fetch Rebel's brother to join the duo.

And what do you know... Bro wants to hump Rebel too.

I think I might try to submit this picture to one of those boring dog photo contests, you know, to spice things up a little. Here's the family having a menagé trois. Oh, just to be clear, the one being fucked (almost) is Rebel, the one fucking him is his daddy, while the one trying to kiss him is his bro.

Bro got rejected by Rebel. Hmph. It's ok, he's about to be sold as a Stud dog. He'd have plenty of time for humping real bitches.

I would like to stress that Rebel DID NOT get sodomised by his own family. Despite the repeated attempts, Rebel had always managed to escape the rear entry in time. Now that we have that cleared, have anyone noticed that while Rebel's coat is fawn, both Daddy and Bro each has a slightly darker brown coat? Isn't that weird? The local breeder assured that the color of the dogs' coat changes as they grow, and having different colored coats within the same family is perfectly normal. That won't be acceptable in our human world alright. My grandma would faint if I deliver anything but a yellow baby.

After messing around with his family for 2 hours, I decided it was time to head home. I think Rebel had a really good time today, despite the sexual hits. I'll bring him back to see them some other time if the local breeder doesn't start finding me irritating.

This is for all who's wondering what's "Apoco Deodar" all about. I found out today from the local breeder that Rebel's a Apoco Deodar Chihuahua. Apoco Deodar Chihuhuas' roots originate from England. In other words, my baby boy barks with a sexy British accent. Woot!

Whiskey Dry, please

Saturday, March 18, 2006

The past couple of days walking Rebel has been a little too eventful for my nicotine-infested heart. Yesterday, sonny boy got a taste of his own medicine when an extremely obese Jack Russel from United States started chasing him ferociously. That American's called Whiskey. And boy did he serve his shots straight up to Rebel. Rebel, being the one with the far better physique, outran Whiskey like a Skyline would with a Charade. Hehe. After outrunning the fat bastard, our petrified Rebel laid on the grass, rubbing his nose with his paws. That reminds me of my habitual behavior - I'd rub my nose subconsciously when I'm embarrassed or nervous.

This evening, with no sight of the fat bastard, Rebel surprised me by peeing on a lamp post with his leg up for the first time. I have been worried that he'd continue to pee like a girl for the rest of his life, especially when I was told by Rudie's mum that "Don't worry, he'd learn to pee like a boy when he sees other male dogs,". Problem is, Rebel has no other male dogs to play with! The closest he has would be that fat bastard. Anyhow, I'm glad he somehow figured how to pee like a man. Maybe he caught a glimpse of my dad or something.

And oh yes, one last thing. He didn't watch where he was going today, and he fell into the drain. Hahahahahaa.


Thursday, March 16, 2006

When Rebel first started eating his kibbles, he used to finish them within 5 minutes upon serving him. Which was why I was left puzzled and worried even, when he began to leave his bowl of kibbles unfinished each morning.

During my short break last week, I found out why.

Rebel figured that if he finishes up his meal in the morning, there will not be any left for the rest of the day. Hence, he paced himself and only finishes his kibbles by the end of the night before he goes to bed. I should know, I noticed his brilliant act of food rationing last Thursday when I was taking a break from work.

Now tell me my baby boy ain't smart?

And here's him saying Love.

What a Beach!

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Rebel came along to Sentosa yesterday with Joyce, Hilda and myself. While driving with Rebel to pick the girls up, I realised how I can't afford to place Rebel on my lap whilst driving anymore. That bugger probably thinks he's Senna trapped in a Chihuahua's body or something. He refused to get his paws off my steering wheel. And half the time while speeding, I was trying to bury him under my t-shirt for fear of getting caught by the Traffic Police on the highway.

We got to Siloso Beach, Sentosa, at approximately 11am or so. As soon as we laid our mats (or rather, Joyce and Hilda laid their mats, I completely forgot to bring anything but Rebel and my camera!), I brought Rebel out into the sea. Theory has it that all dogs are born with the ability to swim, and what better way to test that theory right? I dropped Rebel nicely into the freezing water, and immediately, he started swimming auto-pilot! Woo-hoo! You have no idea how excited I was, knowing that I don't have to spend any extra cash on swimming lessons for Rebel!

Being the pussy that he is, Rebel swam frantically towards the shore. Here's him spin-drying himself.

Then I got tired and decided to rest my ass with the girls and my ice coffee. Rebel started roaming about the beach, chasing after every single passerby, and even sneaking up behind 2 Chinese girls, sending them into a high-decibel shrieking session (by the way, its just a harmless Chihuahua, why do you scream as though you got fucked up the ass?). Noticeably, for a dog that's color blind, he sure as hell is racist. I couldn't help but notice how he would ran after only gay white men. Hmmm.

It wasn't long before Rebel got thirsty under that merciless heat. So I went to the beach bar, Sunset Bay, to get him water. Fuck man, his freaking water cost me $2.00 per bottle. And he drunk 2! I should've brought 1.5litres from home.

For someone who has a size 6 ass, I haven't got the slightest clue why the hell my ass is so freaking big here. Maybe its because I'm standing right next to Rebel.

Rebel made a bad mistake by digging his slightly-wet face into the sand, like he would, with his own pillow. Naturally, the sand clinged on irritatingly to his eyes, nose and well, pretty much everywhere else. I was pretty worried at first, when he started oinking like a pig. The sand probably got stuck in his nostrils and he couldn't breathe properly. I became this frantic mother, trying to feed him with water whilst rubbing his chest. Meanwhile, the girls were happily suntanning away...

Finally, Rebel's breathing got better and he figured lying on the mat was much safer. I suppose his position may changed the moment he gets introduced to sandflies...

After resting for about say, 10 minutes or so, Rebel decided to return to the bar. We met a few of the bar staff earlier when we were getting his water and my beer. Rebel struted about the bar, as though he owns the place. From checking customers if they're satisfied with their drinks, to watching some half-naked blokes play pool, to oggling at women at the showers, Rebel sure looks comfortable being a beach bum.

Unfortunately, Mummy's a city girl and by 330pm, it was enough sun and sand for the day. We went home, and I gave Rebel an extremely long bath before he lets himself into my room.

And oh yeah, here's a final picture of Rebel and I, on our very first Beach trip. I think there'll be more to come.

Chasing Chicks

Thursday, March 09, 2006

I live in an urdanised country where the only chickens we ever see are the deep fried ones from KFC, or those live ones held within the vicinity of the Zoo. Hence my astonishment this afternoon when Rebel and I stumbled upon a hen clucking away at the open field.

While initially cautious of the hen being bigger in size, Rebel soon realised that she was "just another bird" and started chasing after her. By chasing, I mean 4 fucking blocks! The poor hen was so frightened by Rebel's aggressiveness that she began to fly!

A hen flying! What are the odds of that happening in our modern world?

Anyhow, while I chased Rebel who was chasing the hen, plenty of passerbys stopped to watch the free entertainment. Come and think about it, it was really crazy. By the time the hen detoured and ran 4 blocks back to the starting point of our chase, she was forced upon a bicycle stand, where Rebel could not reach.

10 minutes of growling at the hen to "come down" later, I got seriously bored and decided we should head home and leave the hen alone.

Anyone missing a hen for dinner, please feel free to contact me.

You cannot be serious!

Sunday, March 05, 2006

My disability to say no to any issues concerning my mum had resulted in me having to attend a cousin's birthday BBQ party with her only just. I'm not the least close to this cousin of mine. Heck, I would've just text her a Happy Birthday greeting if wasn't for my mum. No wait, I don't think I'd even do that. I don't have her number at all.

As expected, Rebel and I got bored in no time. We went into a vacant tennis court which was next to the BBQ pit to kill time. And then I found ourselves watching the scrawny blokes next door playing tennis. One of them has a really good groundstrokes. Yes, says the person who never played tennis all her life.

One missing best friend

One of my 27 diamonds went missing from my ring. I'm hoping Rebel didn't accidentally swallow it when he chewed on my finger.

I don't need to get his stomach x-rayed, do I?

Alone in the darkness

Saturday, March 04, 2006

My poor son slept alone in the living room last night. I had my farewell party last night at Ink, and 2 shots of Barcardi 151 were all it took for me to pass out. I never claim to be a good drinker, but seriously, 80% alcohol? I wonder who the hell could consume it without passing out. A fat Aussie with a Botticelli tummy maybe.

I honestly do not remember how the hell I got home, but thankfully, I was in good company. This morning at 9, I woke up to vomit-drenched hair and no sight of Rebel. It is pretty scary, not having a single ounce of recollection on how I even got home. But I reckon Rebel had a scarier night alone for the first time in the living room.

Due to an unfortunate incident that had just happened at home, I now have to lock my bedroom at all times for my own protection. And because of that, I have to move Rebel's bed from my room out to the living room each morning before I head to work. Last night was just unfortunate that I wasn't sober enough to bring him into my room.

Never again, ok baby boy?

Here's a picture of him catching his dog nap right now.