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DOs and DON'Ts for a 1-year-old Dog

Sunday, April 23, 2006

It's Rebel's 1st birthday today. Now everyday wish him a happy birthday, would you? Given the series of events that had happened since I got back from my Harley-Davidson media ride last afternoon, I thought I should pen down a list of DOs and DON'Ts for my young rebellious son. Rebel, if you're reading this, make sure you read the following VERY CAREFULLY.

DO tug your bed by the mouth from the living room into the bedroom by yourself when I return home. It's very endearing.

DO eat your horrible list of medicine given by the Vet dutifully. Despite having to now consume antibiotics (yeah, first was probiotics, now its antibiotics), detox pills and some yucky green tablet twice a day for 10 days, you've been such a good boy in doing so. Your mummy won't even commit to 5 days of antibiotics for fear of missing out on her weekend drinking sessions.

DON'T be shy when it comes to hitting on female dogs. If a superhot King Charles Cavalier named Ginger comes barking for you from the opposite side of the fence from the open field we always play at, it's ok to strut your ass over to charm her. Don't wait for Mummy to ask Ginger's Daddy if we could go over to the hill they were lying on.

DO have the courage to pick on any bitch of any breed and size that you fancy. Ginger may be twice as big as you, but who cares right? Look at Tom Cruise.

DO engage in foreplay before trying to hump any bitch. That includes Ginger, who tried kissing you but you won't have none of those. Nothing is as rude as turning your head away in a kiss attempt from a 9-month-old bitch and then tucking your head under her legs to lick her pussy.

DO sit by the side of your newfound love whilst your Mummy and your potential father-in-law talk about marriage plans for both of you. Good boy. You did good.

DON'T be such a clumsy ass and roll down the hill with 2 full rounds when your bitch was chasing you. Tripping on your own paws is so uncool. You even got the people from the 4th-storey of the opposite block laughing away.

DON'T fuck your bitch in front of her father. Trust me, you were lucky you didn't get on the Soup-of-the-Day menu.

DON'T struggle and whine when it's time to depart from your bitch and go home. Your mummy should always come first (no, not that way).

DO give your bitch a goodbye kiss always. I love how your puny tongue could only cover the tip of Ginger's nose.

DON'T go into the woods with Ginger and disappear out-of-sight. Leave that to the guys from Brokeback Mountain. It's illegal in Singapore.

And this one is for your dear ol' mummy herself:

DO ask for Ginger's father's number so that Rebel can hook up with her again. Now they may never meet ever again. Bummer.

Born to Rebel

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Feeling bad that I'd have to leave Rebel a night alone while I ride up to Malacca with my Harley-Davidson clients tomorrow, I splurged on a squeaky pillow and leather collar...

I absolutely adore this picture of Rebel and his new Harley-Davidson collar below. I should propose to my Client to use him as a model.

Isn't it sad that my eyes are smaller than my dear Chihuahua's?

Imma have to bring Rebel back to the Vet on Saturday when I return. He's still puking. It's been a month and I can't figure out why. He's as active as ever, and his poo looks fine. So no, its not a virus or anything. But a month of puking? I'm starting to think he might be allergic to me.

Sit sit sit sit sit!!!

Friday, April 14, 2006

I was watching a dog training DVD previously and the trainer provided a funny insight on us, unsophiscated, unofficial trainers of our dogs. He deadpans, "Most of you use the Sit sit sit sit sit! command, which isn't really a Sit command because by the time your dog does sit down, it's because he's bored looking at you."

Feeling my ego bruised from his brutal truth, I started training Rebel religiously on a single-command Sit a couple of nights ago. My dad watched at awe while Rebel sat instantly at my command. Immediately, he interrupted our training session with "Seeeet! Seeeet!". Rebel turned his head towards my dad, and ignored him afterwhich.

My dad hasn't given up though. He's still going "Seeeet! Seeeet!" everytime he sees Rebel. And when Rebel barks at him, my dad would ask "What is he saying huh?". Ya, like I know.

Simply Stupid

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

A picture paints a thousand words. Or the lack of.

Dog Rolls

Saturday, April 08, 2006

I bought Rebel 3 Dog Rolls from Natural Balance a couple of days ago, during lunch time. They were on offer at "3 for $5", so I thought, what the heck right? My poor son could use a treat over the weekend after a week of yucky bland rice and boiled chicken.

I dumped the Dog Rolls into this blue box that contains all of Rebel's stuff, from Conditioner, to Dental Wipes, to bags of milk bones and Cesar gourmet food cans. The blue box is placed in the kitchen on the floor, right next to the sink. Rebel got curious, poked his head into the blue box, and carried a Dog Roll in his mouth and came into the living room to look for me.

He dropped the Dog Roll at my feet where I was sitting and gave me the "Open my dog roll up for me" look. I said no. He didn't give up. He took the Dog Roll in his mouth again, and placed it in between my legs on the armchair. I looked at him with my slit-eyes and mouthed, "NO.". He gave me a grunt, retrieved the Dog Roll in his mouth, and dropped it back into the blue box.

Isn't that so, so cute?

Ok, today, Imma serve him the Dog Roll. Hee.

Why no Pet Leave?

Monday, April 03, 2006

In the modern days of our lives, the average struggling employee who suffers a good 12 hours a day listening to Bosses talk cock, Clients sing song, and Suppliers play mahjong, enjoys an array of various leave entitlements. You fall sick? Got medical leave. Your grandmother got knocked down by a bus and died on the spot? Got 5-day compassionate leave (grandparents' funeral got 2 days extra, don't know why). You got pregnant and have to marry that bugger who's too cheapskate to use a condom? Got marriage leave. Your son fell sick? Its ok, you can leave early today. No worries.

So why the hell did my MD stare at me with such amusement when I said I had to take urgent (UNPAID, by the way) leave because Rebel has a fever? The logical person he is, was about to debate about how I'd even know my dog has a fever until I gave him my famous "slit-eyes-stare-so-don't-fuck-with-me" look. Finally he nodded his head and said "I hope your dog will be ok".

Why huh? Why no bloody Pet Leave huh? I just don't get it. A good number of us in Singapore don't even see much of our grandparents these days for their dementia-suffering minds to even recall our names, for crying out loud. And if they deserve a 5-day crying session from us although frankly, if we had wanted, we would've visited them more than just once a year, why don't our dear sick pets get entitled to at least one day of love from his or her owner? Hmmmmphh.

Anyhow, Rebel is diagnosed with stomach indigestion. Which apparently is a normal thing for dogs. So for the next week or so, Rebel will be one a "hospital diet". Steamed rice and boiled chicken breast meat only. I told my mum that she's not allowed to cook the chicken breast meat for dinner today, and she got pissed. Heh. Whatever.

And oh yeah, he has to take 2 dosage of Probiotics (note: not Antibiotics because apparently, his antibiotism level very high... whatever that means), twice a day.

Rebel nearly got angry with me for taking him for a manicure straight after he had the thermometer poked up his ass (hey did you know that they measure a dog's temperature by poking the thermometer up his/ her ass? Wow... so brokeback mountain..). He ignored me for a fair bit of our journey home. Until the part where we were about to get off the cab... he looked up at me and licked my face, almost saying "Yeah, I forgive you this time."

Half-day unpaid leave. $47 for his consultation fee. $10.80 for a return cab trip. We ought to be able to claim. I want my Pet Leave!

Everyone in favour for Pet Leave, say WOOF!

P.S. Like that huh, I should get Pet Compassionate Leave too. My dad's prized arrowana just died.

Sick Rebel

Saturday, April 01, 2006

I think Reb has caught the flu bug from me. He puked 5 times yesterday. :( Shit. I gotta get him to the Vet.

Pray for him would you?